Nearly Free Band names!

So you have a band but you lack a name. It’s a common problem. I don’t have this problem, I think of band names all the time. The trouble is I will probably never actually be in a band. I am sort of tone deaf probably, well maybe not but I do have the range of 1/16th of an octave so I am not lead singer material. I don’t own a guitar or actually know how to play one and I have smallish hands. Have you ever seen Jimi Hendrix’s hands, they are huge! I mean damn, if you haven’t go look at a photo now and see what I mean.

Also the only thing I know how to play is the piano and I forgot how to read music and the only song I still remember part of is Chariots of Fire. Oh wait I forgot about Vacation Bible School (Don’t mock me for attending I know you did too and you had to watch Davey and Goliath on the rainy days.) Anyway I also have experience with hand bells and those plastic recorders that were only capable of one super shrill note no matter with holes you covered with your fingers.

Not to keep rambling but I Guess you have figured out that being in a band is not part of my destiny. Unless you need me to hold a tambourine and occasionally go Sha La la. That I can do.

So I have decided to almost give away my band names. All you need to do is have every band member buy one of my hilarious t-shirts. Yes it has to be a t-shirt buttons, magnets and postcards don’t count. Think of it as an investment. If you take the name and don’t buy the shirts I won’t find out but Rock n Roll Karma will get you somehow. You don’t want to mess with the Gods of rock trust me.

Also I hold no responsibility if another band has the name or if someone claims they have a trademark on it. (Like why Chicago Transit Authority had to change it’s name to Chicago. Not that I am claiming I listen to Chicago, because except for that 1 song-ewww!) Anyway How am I to know which ones are taken? I don’t have ESP just a vintage 1960s copy of the Kreskin’s ESP game. (This is probably trademarked so don’t use it ok)

So anyway onto the band names. Don’t see one you like? Don’t worry this will be an ongoing series.

SPORK
This one is probably trademarked by the plastic utensil people but I have just always thought it would make a cool name. You could always spell it S.P.O.R.K. and claim its an acronym.

Should Coulda and the Woulda’s

Torpid Liver
This one comes from a haunted pizza place with old timey 1800 ads decoupaged all over the table top. Almost all of the ads would have made for cool goth metal screamo something-core band names but Torpid Liver is the only one I remember right now.

Elbow and the Greasers
Yes pompadours are required. Even on the girls.

I flooded Grandma’s basement

The Neglectarinos!
Yes this one is a Simpson’s reference which is a fast track to success ala Fallout Boy and to a lesser degree Evergreen Terrace. If you take it you should be in a pop punk band and your first cd should be called Hiddley Ho Negletarinos!

Amsterdamnnation

Frogen and the Yozurts

Tequila Mockingbird
This would also work as a book. Either way buy a damn shirt! (Is this name already being used by an adult movie actress? I sure hope not.)

Lucy in the Sky with Dynamite

Ventura and the Sepulvedas

I am trying to come up with a pretentious sentence to name my emo band with but am failing miserably.
Guyliner required.

Dementors’ Kiss